2023s

I am sitting over a landscape, I create these mountains, And they are my memories, I create these rivers, And they are my emotions, I create these clouds, And they are my thoughts. ...

Sabah trafikteyim. Evin önünde pazar olduğu için ve okula bir sürü öğrenci araç ile bırakıldığı için kalabalık bir durum var. Yolda bekliyorum arabada, yerim sıcak, etrafıma bakıyorum. Yolun ilerisinde, diğer şeritte, çocuklarını bırakan bazı arabalar, dönüp trafik olan taraftaki kuyruğa giriyorlar. Onlar araya girdikçe benim arabam hiç ilerlemiyor, aslında en arkaya gitmeleri gerekiyor. Sinirlendiğimi fark ediyorum. Bazılarının arkaya gittiğini de görüyorum, benim önüme geçmeye çalışırlarsa yol vermeyeceğimi hayal ediyorum. ...

I am sitting on the ground. My back rests on a circular column. I must be tired. Still, I can see scary things happening around me. I am scared. I am terrified. I cannot think, I cannot move. That feeling is my whole world, my whole being. I do not know what to do. I am not able to think anything anyway. I am not there anymore; it is just that feeling. My existence is replaced by that feeling. However, soon something else is starting to happen; actually, it already started happening. I just realized that I am sitting. ...

Thought! Rise! As the most paranoid one, As the most disgusting one, As the most inhumane one, As the darkest one, As the most socially, culturally rejected one, As the most unthinkable one, ...

I am there, watching. Where the sun is rising. Slowly, how beautiful. Brings all the light and hope, Sunshine soon will cover me, All those colors, how magical. I feel alive and joyful. Soon, I will be filled with gratitude. My palm will celebrate. I will forget about loneliness. ...

Is where there is. Fear, Is caused by the picture with 7 uncomfortable differences, Heartbeat, Is a wave removing differences on the sand, Breath, Is wind following the wave, less effective Boredom, Is the border to what being run from Crying, Is water moving from known place to unknown Power and control, Is just fooling oneself until one can’t, Bravery, Is where both voice and act meet Love, Is arrival at a new place. Compassion, Is holding someone while they suffer, Talking, Is gossiping about life to another Thinking, Is gossiping to oneself Sleeping, Is not for the mind but the body, Darkness, Is not for the body but for the mind, Monk, Is the one tortured by their mind in sleep Smart, Is finding solutions to a puzzle many times, Genius, Is finding explanation to many puzzles at once Wise, Is neither, God, Is a product of a smart genius, Wisdom, Is the arrival of the loved one in a new scene. I, Is.

I know now, What I feel today, What I think today, Will not be same tomorrow, I know it happens, I don’t know how it happens, It gives me both, Comfort and uneasiness, It makes me feel both, Powerful and helpless, It fills me full of both, Fear and love, Hopelessness and curiosity, ...

straight line This is a path, where I can see the end. I can see the whole path from the beginning to the end. ...

Oturuyorum. Karşımda. Tek boyutlu bir görüntü var. Ses yok. Hareket yok. Kimse yok etrafımda. Kuşlar nerede? Kimse gelecek mi? Bir önemi var mı? Dünya üzerinde. Hayal edebildiğim, görebildiğim o boşlukta, Tek başımayım. Korkuyorum önce. Panik olmak üzereyim. Çaresizim. O yoğunluğun, karanlığın, ağırlığın İçindeyim. Yapabildiğim tek şeyi yapıyorum, Ağlıyorum. Sonra birden. Aniden. Seviyorum. O anı.Önümde cansız bir şekilde. Yalnızlık. Ne kadar yalnızım. Ne kadar da yalnızım. Korkuyorum yalnızlıktan. Aşık oluyorum orada, yalnızlığa. Ölüyorum diriyorum yalnızlığımın içine. ...

How many books, movies, songs, How many families, friends, lovers, How many cities, countries, continents, How many schools, universities, companies, How many philosophers, psychologists, How many gurus, scientists, prophets, Are going to tell me who I am? What a pointless expectation, ...